Post Christmas Blues

It’s early morning a couple days after Christmas and I am sitting by the tree enjoying the glow and reflecting on the previous week. I am thankful for time spent with family and friends. I received some nice gifts. I am especially thankful that I do not have to visit another store or mall for a while. I am not a shopper. I would rather have a root canal then spend time in the mall for hours on end.

I have a sneaky suspicion that my displeasure with shopping has more to do with my financial state then my distaste for shopping malls. There was a time long ago when I had disposable income and enjoyed a day haunting shops with my friends. With age and after struggling for years financially I have come to the conclusion that the stuff I buy brings me no happiness. Yes, I need clothes, shoes and underwear. So does my family. Nobody needs a closet stuffed full of bargain buys I never wear.

So, where do I go from here? I spent too much for Christmas, I always do. Unfortunately, I usually buy the majority of the gifts for my kids and family which doesn’t leave a lot to spend on my husband. He was very generous and bought me several things I really wanted. I know I am trying to simplify my life and lose the clutter. Overall, his gifts were very practical. My favorite is a pair of black Crocs. If you are not familiar with Crocs, they are really ugly shoes. They are made of some type of heavy plastic material and you can wear them with anything. You can throw them in the sink if they become soiled and scrub the dirt off and they come out looking like new. The great thing is I work in a pretty casual environment. Comfort is key. These shoes are like wearing nothing and they feel great. They are like big shock absorbers. I will be able to mix them with the shoes I have and stay out of the shoe store! My goal is to cut spending. If I receive a gift that helps me do so, that’s an awesome gift. My other favorite gift is an ipod shuffle. I haven’t figured out how to program it yet, but that’s why I have a teenager. I have used my husband’s before and I love it. Its great for walking the treadmill. I can’t wait to use it.

Ok, enough about my gifts. I want to start thinking about next year. I am beginning to realize that in order to simplify my life long term its going to require a lot of work short term. I am not saying I don’t want to work as I get older. I do want to be able to chose how I use my time. By learning to do things differently I believe it can happen maybe sooner then I think. It depends on how hard I work now. I am going to start today with next Christmas.

Why am I thinking about next Christmas just a few days after Christmas? Because I am depressed. This depression is linked to many things. Some of it is associated with the season. I will talk more about this struggle in other posts. Most of it is financial. In my struggle to buy the perfect gifts for my friends and family I spend money I really don’t have to spend. Then in January I struggle to make ends meet. I have decided to start doing what I did when I was a kid and didn’t have money to spend. I made gifts. Sure some of them were really tacky, but what I remember is the love I gave when I made the gifts. I also remember the love I received from the lucky recipients of my homemade efforts. Isn’t that what Christmas is about? Love for each other, love for mankind, God’s gift of love to us. I don’t think it was meant to be about the stress I feel right now.

Follow me over the next few days as I ponder how I want to feel differently in years to come. The stress I struggle with each year makes me dread next year. I can’t deal with it any more. I want to start enjoying the season again. Just like when I was a kid struggling to glue together me perfect gifts.
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