The Ghost of Christmas Past

The Ghost of Christmas Past

December 29, 2007

Ok, I know its only a few days past Christmas 2008. If you consider leap year, there are only 362 shopping days left until next Christmas Eve. The stress of Christmas Past is fresh in my mind. I think it’s the perfect time to start planning for next year. All I know is I am tired of the sinking feeling I have each year when there is neither enough time or money to go around. Somehow, the stress falls on me. While that works for my husband and the rest of my family, it wears on me. My therapist takes off most of the month of December and my next appointment is not until January 8. It will be five weeks since my last visit. Last time I drove to work afterwards and sat in my car and cried for 15 minutes before I could walk in. In fact at my last visit my counselor started crying. That shook me up a little. I think my pain and stress are so obvious when I can get to the point of honestly talking about what’s going on inside its scary.

Christmas has been very stressful, and I have fought with my depression practically every day. Its strange what depresses me. First its just the thought of decorating. My kids are probably the only reason it gets done. This year my husband and I took a long weekend trip to the beach for our anniversary. When we got home the kids were stringing lights and the tree was out of the attic and in the middle of the living room floor still in the box. That was a hint to get it in gear and spread some Yule tide cheer. Great. I managed to get the tree up (thank God for pre-lit trees) and decorated over the next few days. I put out a few decorations and left the rest in the box. I made the unpopular decision (at least around this house) to leave the stockings in whatever box they were in. (I still don’t know where they are and they are going back in the attic in a few days.) I then proceeded to announce that I refused to do Christmas cards this year. Our church has a post office which generally requires me to prepare over a hundred cards each year. Well, I refused. It doesn’t mean I will never do them again, just not this year.

I have to get my life under control. When I am under this much stress I can’t focus. Two years ago I was this stressed and decided to take a bottle of Tylenol. No it didn’t kill me but it got people’s attention. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to be paying attention once again. The one difference is that I am in counseling. That seems to make everyone else happy. They don’t have to worry because I am in counseling. They probably have a good point. Depression is depressing for everyone. For the person dealing with it and for everyone around them. At least when you let them know what is going on inside. That’s a hard thing for me to do. I’ll share more as time goes by. Back to next Christmas.

This week I made my first purchase for next Christmas. I spent $11.00 on yarn. I am going to make our friends who are huge Tennessee fans an orange and white afghan. Over the past years I have made afghans for other friends and family and they love them. For next year I am going to make an afghans for friends in their collegiate colors. I think that will be fun and something easy to focus on. I think I can get at least three done during the winter months. They get really hot over the summer months to work on, so I want to get an early start. I think if I get an early start it will help. I am also on the lookout for some other fun things I can make. In years past I have framed photographs of places I know are special to my friends. That is always popular. My goal is to share love, not a price tag. The more time and effort I put into something the more love goes with the gift. Anyone can buy a present.

Time to go clip coupons and work on the grocery list for this week. There was a lady on “Oprah” the other day who says she can buy over $150.00 in groceries for under $5.00. I don’t know any stores in this area that offer those kinds of bargains. I will see what I can do with what I have. I am going to the store Monday and want to be prepared.
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